YMM would like to congratulate the Dude on his Oscar victory on Sunday night. It’s been a long time coming, especially for a guy the square community doesn’t give a shit about.  I’m sure he celebrated in style with a night of bowling, driving around, and the occasional acid flashback.
Last Week’s Record: 6-8
Overall Record: 46-44
Darkness washed over the Dude.  Darker’n a black steer’s tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
Green Bay Packers(-7.5) @ Cleveland Browns-Derek Anderson now has a lower quarterback rating than Jamarcus Russell. Dubbs’ Pick:The Packers
San Diego Chargers(-4.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs-The Chargers may only be 2-3, but they are the best 2-3 team in the league. Philip Rivers continues to pick apart secondaries, and now that LT has returned to form, San Diego has an offense to be reckoned with. The Chiefs seem to be coming around as well, and got their first win of the season last week. I expect both teams to put points on the board, but the Chargers passing attack will prove to be too much to handle for a secondary that made Miles Austin look like Andre Johnson. Dubbs’ Pick:The Chargers
San Francisco 49ers @ Houston Texans(-3.5)- The Texans are hitting on all cylinders, and they are now 8th in the league in total offense. Matt Schaub has silenced the critics (including myself) who doubted that he could be a big time quarterback in this league. The Niners are coming off of a bye week following their beating at the hands of the Atlanta Falcons. Nate Clements struggled to contain Roddy White, and his assignment is even tougher this week. Look for another big day from Schaub and company. Dubbs’ Pick: The Texans
Indianapolis Colts(-13.5) @ St. Louis Rams- Arguably the best team in the league versus arguably the worst team in the league. This one will be over by the half. Dubbs’ Pick: The Colts
Minnesota Vikings @ Pittsburgh Steelers(-4.5)-The marquee match up of the week. Brett Favre had another miracle throw at the end of the game last week to give the Vikings the win. Adrian Peterson put up 143 yards on the ground, but he will have a more difficult time finding room to run this week against Pittsburgh’s 3rd ranked defense. I expect this to be a close one, so I’ll take the GOAT and the points. Dubbs’ Pick: The Vikings
New England Patriots(-14.5) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers-I think it’s safe to say the Patriots are back. In true douchebag fashion, Belichick and Brady ran up the score last week, putting up 59 points against a listless Tennessee team. The Bucs have been giving up big plays all year, so look for another blowout in this one. Dubbs’ Pick: The Patriots
Buffalo Bills @ Carolina Panthers(-7.5)-Mark Sanchez turned the ball over 5 times and the Jets backfield ran for 300 yards last week. Sounds eerily similar to a typical Carolina Panthers game. The Bills were able to squeak out a win in overtime against New York, and I think they’ll keep this one close too. Give me the points. Dubbs’ Pick: The Bills
New York Jets(-6.5) @ Oakland Raiders-I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. The Jets lose to the Buffalo high school football team last week, and Jamarcus Russell leads the Raiders to victory over the Eagles. Order will be restored in the universe this weekend when New York goes to Oakland. I expect another big game from Thomas Jones and Leon Washington as the Jets try to take pressure off of their rookie quarterback. Dubbs’ Pick: The Jets
Chicago Bears @ Cincinnati Bengals(-1.5)-The Bears have played well since dropping their first game against the Packers this season. Cutler is still throwing the ocassional pick, but he seems to have found a better chemistry with his wide receivers. The Bengals allowed Steve Slatonto burn them out of the backfield, as he caught 6 passes for 102 yards and a touchdown last week. Matt Forte is a back cut from the same cloth, and this week will be his chance to break out. I’ll take the points. Dubbs’ Pick: The Bears
Atlanta Falcons @ Dallas Cowboys(-3.5)-The Falcons are 4-1 to start the season, and look to extend their winning streak this week when they visit Dallas.  The Cowboys barely beat the Chiefs before last week’s bye, and Tony Romo continued to struggle to find a rhythm. The stats say he threw for 351 yards, but remember that Miles Austin’s 200 yards after the catch contributed to the majority of that. I like Matt Ryan and the Falcons offense to throw early to take the lead and run late to hold it. Dubbs’ Pick: The Falcons
New Orleans Saints(-6.5) @ Miami Dolphins- Before everybody goes crazy for the Dolphins wild cat offense, remember what the Saints did to one of the best teams in the league last week. I still can’t understand how New Orleans is only giving 6.5 points, but I guess that’s why I’m a degenerate gambler who can’t break the .500 mark and not some big time odds maker throwing hookers and blow parties every weekend. Dubbs’ Pick: The Saints
Arizona Cardinals @ New York Giants(-7.5)-Do you remember what a bum Kurt Warner was playing in the Meadowlands 5 years ago? He’s not effective unless the conditions are perfect, so I don’t think he’ll fair too well this week against the swirling winds and defensive front of the Giants. New York is coming off of an embarrassing loss, and will be motivated to prove that their record thus far is not simply the product of a weak schedule. I’ll take the G-men at home. Dubbs’ Pick: The Giants
Philadelphia Eagles(-7.5) @ Washington Redskins-The Oakland Raiders East (or Washington Redskins as they are more commonly known) will have a coach who has been retired for 4 years calling the plays on offense this week.  They’re only a few tweaks away from having Jason Campbell wrastle a bear in a steel cage at halftime. Dubbs’ Pick: The Eagles
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What, am I suppposed to be impressed? I pioneered the beer pong trick shot game with the legendary “2 girls, 1 cup” gimmick.  Regardless, I don’t care how many trick shots the  Harlem Globe Trotters can make, they wouldn’t stand a chance against the Lakers. When you hippies are done showing off why don’t you come down to Your Mother’s Mustache headquarters for a friendly little game. You’re going to need that trick toilet shot after we make you chumps drink 30 cups in a row. Amateurs, Dude.
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